ASCENDE ARCHIVES

There’s no mystical

Alderaan? I’m not going to Alderaan. I’ve got to go home. It’s late, I’m in for it as it is. But with the blast shield down, I can’t even see! How am I supposed to fight? All right. Well, take care of yourself, Han. I guess that’s what you’re best at, ain’t it? You mean […]

The more you tighten your grip

You’re all clear, kid. Let’s blow this thing and go home! I call it luck. You mean it controls your actions? I’m trying not to, kid. Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force. The more you tighten […]

There’s only one man

He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish. I’m a monster. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. No… but I’d like to be asked! Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. […]

Andy Griffith

Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer. First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough. Really? Did nothing cancel? It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you. I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond […]

You drank it

I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it. Say goodbye to these, […]