ASCENDE News

There’s no mystical

Alderaan? I’m not going to Alderaan. I’ve got to go home. It’s late, I’m in for it as it is. But with the blast shield down, I can’t even see! How am I supposed to fight? All right. Well, take care of yourself, Han. I guess that’s what you’re best at, ain’t it? You mean […]

The more you tighten your grip

You’re all clear, kid. Let’s blow this thing and go home! I call it luck. You mean it controls your actions? I’m trying not to, kid. Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force. The more you tighten […]

There’s no mystical energy

The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers. I need your help, Luke. She needs your help. I’m getting too old for this sort of thing. Kid, I’ve flown from one side of this galaxy to the other. I’ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but I’ve […]

Andy Griffith

Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer. First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough. Really? Did nothing cancel? It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you. I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond […]

Steve Holt

I’m a monster. I’m half machine. I’m a monster. What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough. Say goodbye to these, because it’s the last time! I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense. Across […]

Alliance and a traitor

Obi-Wan is here. The Force is with him. What good is a reward if you ain’t around to use it? Besides, attacking that battle station ain’t my idea of courage. It’s more like…suicide. Look, I can take you as far as Anchorhead. You can get a transport there to Mos Eisley or wherever you’re going. […]